Sunday, December 23, 2012

Thursday, 6:24pm: The Guilford Bridge, Again

After the discovery of the first medical waste pile, a good friend explained that catheters are often stolen from hospitals and clinics in order to collect clean pee for drug testing. What!? I didn't fully buy this explanation until I was walking Shambles on the bridge last Thursday, and there it was, on the opposite side of the bridge from the original pile, another couple of catheters and a pile of gauze discarded at the wooden foot of a road work sign. So friends, if you need clean pee for the next meeting with your parole officer I have an inside line on some unused catheters. In the meantime, just put them wherever crooked clinic employees. We'll be sure to keep an eye on them while you're away.



Friday, December 14, 2012

Friday, 4:55pm: The Fallsway & Chase St.

Hey Baltimore. Tell the people what we do with our books. "We just put them wherever!" Baltimore, that's exactly right. I have to say, if you're gonna just put a book wherever, make sure it's a vintage children's book about a boy named Billy and the horse that he loved. Also make sure you leave it wide open in the middle of a bike path to the page containing a precious old timey drawing of Billy and that horse. I mean, really go hard on the emotion. What's the point of just throwing any ole' book wherever if it doesn't make a few hipster bike commuters shed a single, nostalgic tear for urban literacy.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Thursday, 5:47pm: The Inner Harbor Barnes and Noble

In Baltimore, "just putting that right there" is not simply limited to streets and trash. No, sir. There are times when the phrase "put that wherever" can make a truly grand statement. I was purusing the international map section in B&N, and not seeing anything that would help for (surprise) Nicaragua I began to turn away. Then, there it was, blended in with maps of Mexico and Mexico City: New Mexico. I whispered a, "no way..." as I pulled back the map in front to find several more crisp New Mexico maps behind it. So, Barnes and Noble employee, have at it. Create the People's Republic of New Mexico and just put those maps wherever in that international section. Hell, mix it up even, give those Quebec maps something to worry about.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Wednesday, 5:57pm: Halethorpe MARC Station Parking Lot

I'd like to first give a shout out to my dearest, Emma Conner, for sharing this lovely bit with me today. It's a classic, the ole' underwear on the street trick. Baltimore, I am eternally amazed at the amount of clothing on your streets, sidewalks, alleys, and yes, children's museum floors. Some events leading up to these lost goods are obvious but others, well, they confound. Usually, I could guess how a pair a men's panties found their way onto an ill-lit parking lot, but the MARC station during rush hour? Nice. Stay classy B-more and hey, if you find yourself uncomfortable in those undies you chose to wear to work, just take them off and put them wherever. Yeah, right there. Next to my friends car.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Last Friday, 4pm: The Guilford Bridge

This is a special post that some of you are lucky enough to already be familiar with. Last week, Seth and I were walking along the Guilford bridge after a lovely afternoon spent in the Greenmount Cemetery. We were lucky enough to stumble upon this pile of treasure. I did my civic duty and called 311. The woman on the call said dutifully, "this issue will be resolved in 3-7 days" (to be fair, she did seem surprised when I explained that there was a pile of medical waste on Guilford Ave.). I am pleased to report that it took more than three but less than 7 days to clean it up. So go on crazy runaway medical patient, just put that used catheter bag wherever. Baltimore will be sure to get to it in 3-7 business days.

Tuesday, 12:30pm: Mt. Royal Avenue

Nothing says Bmore like a can of Natty Boh....on a fence. Hey man, just stick that can upside down right there.

Sunday, 5:30pm: The Fallsway

Biking home after work on the Fallsway.  Just put that toilet paper wherever, it's cool.