It's no secret that I spend a great deal of my life going up and down the Fallsway. What is a secret is my fascination of our great city's sewer system. Citizens, the Jones Falls helped make this city what it is. Hell, part of our humble beginnings used to be called 'Jones' Town'. But the majesty of the river that provided fresh water and ran openly through our streets ended when the old-timey-time citizens and old-timey-time mills turned it into a wretched open sewer causing a massive public health emergency round about the time of the Great Fire. Go figure. So, from the late 1800's into the early 1900's, we buried the fucker. Piped it up so she could not only have a chance to clean herself up but so future citizens would be prevented from using it as a literal shit hole. In 1915, the project was done. The river was removed from view and the people rejoiced at our modern accomplishments. BUT WAIT...what's this? For weeks after each heavy rain the Jones Falls peeks out of the grates on the Fallsway. I grin every time I bike by and see her, reaching up her watery fingers from her cast iron prison to the asphalt. I think of the future when the cities are gone and Baltimore once again, much like Brad Pitt, has a river that runs through it. So do your worst public servants! Try and protect the population from themselves by putting those pipes wherever. Just remember, she's gonna keep working to escape and you're gonna have to be there to re-contain her.
